I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
