For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
