just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
