I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
