Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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