At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize