If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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