Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
