Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
