That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
