I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize