thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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