its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
