My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
