i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
