My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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