So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i dont even know how to be here
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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