Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize