Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
