I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
