I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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