did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize