you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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