I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
