my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
