it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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