Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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