my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
