youre lurking in front of me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
