Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
