I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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