are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize