he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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