You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
