pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
