So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
