So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
