Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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