Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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