We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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