whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
