just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize