i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
