She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Who died my cat blue again?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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