chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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