You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
