If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
