I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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