i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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