Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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