just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
