Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
