just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
