She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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