Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
