I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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