it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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