you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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