I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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