Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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