So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Randomize
