You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
