sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you inspire me to be a worse person
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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