So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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