I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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