stop calling my apartment porn island.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize