cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
