bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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