I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
