Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
