I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
