I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
