Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
