Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
