You're my little dorito
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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