bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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