Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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