Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
