Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
