so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
