I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
