Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
